tijuana, mexico reach out last saturday

On Interstate 5 heading north right now.
It's Saturday, July 14th, 2007.
It’s 8:34 pm and I just had to type this on the word program before I get to blog it later~
So many thoughts going through my head and didn’t want to wait until later.
We made it down here and into Mexico and out.
My life is forever changed.
There is an urgency in my heart right now
I don’t know if this a righteous sort of anger that has risen up inside me~
Or if there is such a thing~
I can’t really put it into words
But urgent is what I need to tell you.
There are babies living in the garbage dump and cemetery.
There are fatherless children and motherless children.
There are children without clothes
There are hungry grandmothers begging for money in the rain.
There are disabled grandfathers begging for money to take garbage from our cars in the rain.
There are hungry men whose skin is so blackened by years of living in the trash that it’s difficult to discern how old or should I say how young they are.
There are children whose eyes looked deep into mine today and I am changed.
A little girl, 11 years old wanted a hat and praised God that her ear was better.
A 17 year old smiled and told me thank you for baby clothes~ she had two children, no husband and her babies Sophie told me were only 2 years old and 5 months.
Claudia remembered me from Christmas reach out~ her smile is radiant.
Her friends, I can’t remember all their names said that they would see me in December.
And they were so happy about that.
And I am too…. I don’t know why I leave there?
It’s so hard to leave.
But I can’t wait to go again.
But I am ruined.
I’m undone.
I saw the RAVEN team minister in heat that was way different from December.
The news said it would be near 97 degrees today~
I don’t know what it was but it sure felt hot.
Many of the team members talked about the smell.
I don’t think I smelled anything.
I don’t know if I ever took a deep breathe?
My prayer was for the LORD to take the veils off my eyes~
But so many, LORD?
I could barely make it to the car without bursting into sobs~ not tears, sobs.
Where is everyone?
Sure, there could be governement, political, cultural issues and all sorts of reasons why TJ is the way it is..
But do you not know what it’s really like?
To look into the eyes of children staring back at you?
Some with joy.
Some were sleeping.
Most if not all, with hunger and gratitude.


Aunties asking for prayer.
Fathers asking for prayer for their familiy.
Husband asking prayer for his wife.
Children laying hands on other children and crying out to the LORD for neighbors and strangers.
HEAR OUR CRIES OH GOD!
Come LORD JESUS, COME!

I praise God that HE provided today~
300 sandwiches, juices, gift bags~
Nearly 20 people there, I think the count was 18 on today’s team~
And so many mothers and babies….

LORD, I feel so inadequate at times~
How can so many be left to die and spend eternity In hell and live in the garbage until they get there?
How come it has taken me so long to GO?
How come, LORD?
What is it?
What is the lesson from today?

As a child of God, looking up to HIM tonight:
My tummy is full,
My hair is clean,
My clothes cover me,
But my heart is broken.

I surrender.
Send me.
Open my eyes.
Restore me.
Give me strength.
Forgive me.
Be magnified.
Change me.
Save me.